


Alone

by ShadowSelene (Shadowdianne)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 03:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16715993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowdianne/pseuds/ShadowSelene
Summary: Asked by sincerely-a-fan via tumblr:Regina is the good queen now, but even Queens feel lonely.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Despite how this looks I promise I won't kill anyone's heart.

The pitter-patter of the rain outside didn’t keep her awake but Regina found herself unable to sleep as she stared at the window, curtains half-covering the now wet glass through where rivulets of water kept on falling. She stared at those, at the dancing, almost translucent lines.

She shouldn’t be awake, the thought echoed on her brain as she felt the sheets around her, bunched around her legs from where she had sat earlier, trying to tire herself out by reading the notes of the impending meeting she was supposed to have in a few hours. However, as much as she tried to fall asleep, her mind didn’t let her, flashes of previously dreamt nightmares mounting on the uncomfortable fluttery feeling of stress that seemed to have been eaten her ever since the coronation.

It didn’t matter how much she tried; the weight of the crown –one she had refused to use ever since she had taken it out after that night- was always present on her temples. Its ghost-like presence pressing down against her neck, crushing, drowning her in a way that always made her dizzy with every new meeting, every new rule and realm presenting their own view into this new reality.

She closed her eyes and, angrily, tried to coax herself into slumber, the memories of a bar, and alcohol filled atmosphere making her jolt. Eyes opening into the grey colored room she focused on the farthest corner, sparks of purple and black answering to her call the second she breathed out, a sigh crawling up the empty space on the walls that rose around her.

Sometimes, despite everything, she found herself missing the life she had once had, the life she had considered hers.  Which was ironic, she thought as she sat up, frantically clenching the sheets between her fingers, magic brimming inside of her in a way that felt strange, alien. A mirror to when she had first gotten her powers back when the first curse had been broken, the magic unstable and unreliable and all too different from the memories she had of it, when she had been the Queen –Another type of Queen her mind whispered- and everything had been fire and ash and anger.

And now, despite her knowing already what it felt to have her magic back the power prickled her insides in a way that made her swallow and stare at the window once again, at the slowly calming storm.

“ _The Good Queen.”_

The title had felt liberating and yet ridiculous the second Snow had said it and yet Regina had felt her heart swell as she had stared at Henry –at the two of them- before looking at a set og green eyes that never once looked away. Not even when Regina stood and walked towards them, not even when she reached out, close, too close, close enough to grasp pale long fingers between hers.

Which had been on itself a surprise. Once she truly didn’t know how to read as Emma’s eyes had been full with magic, the one that merged with hers, that had always been there, at the other side, a perfect mix for her own powers. She had expected for the younger woman to pull away, to take a step back, answering to a rule, a line, they had never quite drawn but had always been there. This time, however, Emma had stayed and Regina had felt her heart tremble.

It had been easier to be Roni. The thought occurred to her as she stood and walked blindly towards the door, a snap from her fingers quickly clothing her. It had been easier to lose herself in that reality. Even after remembering who she was. It had been easier, in a way, to remain pretending to be a woman Regina now knew she could have been, perhaps, maybe, if she ever had been truly from that world. A world that didn’t quite exist as a possibility anymore. Not now when all the realms, all of Storybrooke, belonged to something bigger, something stranger, something she didn’t quite know how to call.

The weakening rain against her skin awoke her from her musings, the sound of the door closing at her back momentarily confusing her as she realized that, on her trance, she had walked outside. It was no use to go back, a part of her mind whispered; it wasn’t like she would be falling asleep.

And yet she turned and called forth her magic, feeling it envelop her in a way that had been second nature. That still was, in a way, despite the feeling of the power still belonging to herself being something she shouldn’t have. Shouldn’t use.

Her mind, however, didn’t picture her bed, her room, the empty and lonely mansion she had insisted on leaving, refusing to accept the castle’s quarters even after the coronation had taken place. Instead, a whisper of saltpeter smell and rumbling waves filled her head alongside with a memory of a woman who, after the ceremony had taken place, had been as elusive as sleep itself.

By the time the purple fog cleared out, Regina knew she wouldn’t be on her bed but on the docks, the sound of the weaves hitting the wood poles beneath the creaky plans she was standing in the first thing she felt  as well as a set of benches and far too many memories that made her stumble.

And yet, what made her turn and gasp wasn’t that or the deep grey and black that colored the sea in front of her but a voice; gentle, nervous, brittle, that reached to her from some point at her back.

“Regina?”

Emma wore her clothes in the same quick fashion she probably wore hers, magic still clinging to her fingertips like trickling water, each drop of it capturing silver-hued light that wasn’t really there. Thick jacket around her frame, mussed hair haloing her face and dark green eyes accompanied pale skin and pinker-than-ever lips. Lips Regina stared before she nodded, focusing on Emma’s hands instead as the blonde closed them into fists, the last remnants on magic dropping to the already wet floor.

“Emma.”

“I’m… I...” The blonde said all of a sudden, unprompted as she crossed her arms around her, voice quick, hot and Regina could see the fear on her movements, the anger, the assumption. “I couldn’t sleep, the docks tend to be empty.”

Regina nodded, she wasn’t going to ask, wasn’t going to prod. Not when she herself hadn’t been able to sleep either. And yet she couldn’t but wonder why , why Emma seemed about to recoil in fear, one foot already moving backwards, as if waiting for any reason to bolt.

“How is Hope?” She asked instead and she could feel Emma’s eyes on her, less fiery, less doubtful, less.

“Asleep.” The answer was accompanied by a short, quick smile, one that barely lift one side of Emma’s lips but still felt something prepared, empty. And for that Regina nodded, unsure.

There were times in where she missed Roni. Whenever Emma was close, however, she wondered what would have happened if she had stayed that day, with a swirling portal about to close and Henry at her side. What would have happened if she had crossed, go back to Storybrooke.

Yet, Some other times she wondered if it had had changed something if she had asked Emma to stay with them, for them and as she stared at Emma, at the way the blonde turned fully to stare at the moving, rumbling dark waves, she found herself thinking again on that second. The one in where she could have –maybe- called for the blonde. Tell her, ask her, to stay. _To leave him._

It had been mere wishful thinking back then and it was nothing but a fantasy now and she still moved towards Emma, closer, closer, until she could raise her hand and touch her.  She wouldn’t though, not after the coronation, not after she had hugged Emma while feeling the gasp on her ear, a quiet, soft “I’ve missed you” echoing through her, breaking every doubt, every fear and leaving behind nothing but rubble.

This time it was Emma though, the one who was quicker than her and the one who caught her fingers between hers, interlacing them and lowering both of their hands as a swirl of sparks enveloped their arms, purple and dirty white. She could feel the trembling fear on Emma’s quickening pulse, obvious to her, pulsing and jumping beneath her fingers but Regina didn’t dare to ask and Emma remained silent, eyes unmoving, fixed on the sea in front of them both.

And when she felt her eyelids beginning to drop she felt Emma moving at her side, walking and pushing her towards the nearest bench, magic already coating them both, a transferring spell making her temples throb.

“Don’t.”

_“Don’t leave.”_

“Please.”


End file.
